Are You Autistic? It’s Important to Know

When an autistic / Asperger’s person is diagnosed in early childhood, it allows for parents and teachers to adjust to how the child learns throughout their development, and to enlist appropriate resources.

When not diagnosed, this necessary guidance and teaching is not provided, and results in ongoing struggles into adulthood, and damaged self-esteem.

Autistic girls and women are estimated to be significantly under diagnosed. If they do get diagnosed, it’s more common to happen during adolescence or adulthood.

Boys are often diagnosed earlier. One of the reasons is that the diagnosis itself is based on the characteristics of autistic males. However, even males with symptoms that are not externally obvious may not get diagnosed until later in life, if at all.

Similarities Between Autistic Females and Males

Everyone is unique, and characteristics vary from person to person as well as in degree and intensity. However, similarities for autistic females and males include:

•    Perfectionism
•   Controlling in play and environment
•    Determined and persistent
•    Low tolerance to frustration
•    Social difficulties
•    Focused interests
•    Preferring routines and consistency

Autistic people on the spectrum may also have one or more of these challenges:

•    Difficulty focusing and paying attention
•   Obsessive-compulsive behavior
•    Sensory processing difficulties

How Autistic Girls and Women are Different from Males

Differences between males and females include that autistic females are generally more interested in social interactions. They can also be loners, but tend to be more drawn to interact with others.

Some autistic males are socially interested as well, but can have more difficulty learning social skills. And it’s not uncommon for them to be very comfortable spending a lot of time alone.

Autistic girls and women can be highly verbal and imaginative. They tend to have a restricted topic of interest such as celebrities, popular music, fashion, literature, animals, fantasy stories and figures. Boys can have a similar interest, but can also be more focused on objects, such as trains or cars.

How Autistic Girls Learn to Socialize

Autistic girls are often skilled at imitating others, referred to as masking or camouflaging. Through observation, they teach themselves how to get along with others, and be like them. They usually don’t learn social skills as “neurotypical” girls do. The neurotypical brain can typically use a variety of cues to understand social situations, including body language, tone of voice, facial expressions, context, personal experience, history with the person, etc.

Autistic people often have difficulty taking in all this social information and then figuring out how to respond. And it can cause significant anxiety.

When not diagnosed, people on the spectrum often report feeling that they are different than their peers, and that something is wrong with them. They have poor self-esteem because they don’t know why some things are harder for them, and why they have difficulty with social situations.

Autistic females often learn to hide these difficulties by using their masking skills. They want to appear so-called “normal”. They try to act how they see other people acting, without really understanding why. And, not realizing that others actually feel differently, and that their emotions connect with their behaviors.

Stress Results From Not Knowing Why You’re Different

Maintaining this masking for the external self can be exhausting and stressful. It’s not unusual to see autistic girls, and some boys as well, having very different behavior at home and school. At school they learn to follow rules and what is appropriate external behavior. But, when they come home, they release the stress of maintaining that persona, and may act out. This can include irritability, arguing, tantrums, repetitive and obsessive-compulsive behavior.

Irritability, depression and anxiety are not uncommon for autistic adults because of trying to fit in and function in a neurotypical world.

It is generally a relief when a girl or woman gets the diagnosis of autism. They can then understand that it’s a difference in how her brain functions and not some personal defect. To understand why she feels like she is different, can change almost every aspect of her life and relationships.

Do You Suspect You Are on the Spectrum?

It can be difficult for women and girls to get diagnosed on the autism spectrum. Women on the spectrum often have higher rates of depression and anxiety, and can have co-occurring symptoms of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder. Often any of those become the primary diagnosis rather than autism. The reality is, after discovering you are autistic, and getting the help you need, other mental health challenges often decrease.

It takes a clinician who is skilled and familiar with symptoms and characteristics of autism to diagnose people that have less externally obvious symptoms. It sometimes requires people close to the individual to participate in the clinical interview, because it can be difficult for some autistic people to self-report their challenges.

What to do When You’re Diagnosed With Autism

Coaching or counseling can be very beneficial for autistic people to learn how their brain processes information and what their strengths and weaknesses are. They can learn how to maximize what they are good at, and how to minimize and cope with what is challenging. And to address any co-occurring mental health issues, such as anxiety or depression.

Although some people don’t like the idea of being labeled, finding out you are on the autism spectrum can be one of the greatest blessings of your life.

If you would like to learn more, and/or are you interested in coaching? Please contact us. We offer a free 15 minute introductory phone call, or you can request an appointment.